This is My Story

Helen Jamieson

My name is Helen Jamieson, and this is my story:

I would’ve never considered before share my mental illness to the public. It took me 20 years to share my physical pain and handicap.

At 15 years old, I was diagnosed with an incurable virus infection in my spinal cord that left me paralyzed from the waist down. However, I was considered a miracle because I was able to regain enough mobility to walk again. Despite this, my left leg never gained normal mobility and until this day, I still cannot feel temperature or sensation the way “normal” people do.

Depression

Depression, for anyone that has nerve damage, occurs more frequently because it directly affects the brain. Due to this, I believed that I would not be given me the same opportunities as everyone else, especially in the fast paced business management industry. Being a Chinese woman was already hard enough. Imagine if I had talked openly about my physical and my mental illness? I probably wouldn’t have had all the promotions I earned, nor achieved my senior executive roles.

So, it is my wish and prayer that as we enter into a new generation, we can discuss mental illnesses and how we shouldn’t be defined or labeled for what we are diagnosed with. We need to let others know that people with mental illnesses can live a successful life, and that it’s OK to seek therapy and take medications. 

Everyone is going to face depression at some point in their lives; however, the main difference between mentally healthy people versus people diagnosed with a mental illness is that mentally ill individuals can’t just make it go away. It’s an illness that we have to battle through diet, exercise and medication, continuously.

There is still a lot of stigma…

…about what mental illness truly is, and this is something I don’t understand. Current generations have the most readily available information right in front of them. We have Google search! You can just type in any type of mental illness and read about how we can be supportive to those that are struggling, how we could listen and not say hurtful things.

Every person experiences mental illness differently.

Just when I think I have it under control, I enter into a new season in my life that includes menopausal mood swings that exacerbates my generalized and seasonal anxiety disorder, and existing mild depression.

My depression cycle initiates like a giant wave that comes out of nowhere and hits me in the head and brain. It leaves me feeling numbed and paralyzed. It is so intense! It’s worse than my physical paralysis of my handicapped legs. The mental pain I experience is worse than my physical pain. I can’t move! I feel trapped and without energy. My mental illness doesn’t let me eat anything. It feels like this dark cloud or fog that covers my head and my brain, and it follows me everywhere. My mental illness feels like a boomerang. No matter how hard I try to focus on positive things, somehow my positive thoughts leave and the negative thoughts come hard and strong to take place in my mind. For me, mental illness, is one of the hardest things I have to continue to face in this life journey.

I am blessed.

I am blessed to have Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, for He has given me peace and hope; but like any other pain or any illness that affects our body, I cannot be healed overnight… or perhaps I may never be healed. Whatever God has in store for me, I know that He won’t give me what I cannot handle. Even though, my darkest days make me feel like giving up and leaving the fight. 

Having depression does not mean we “lack faith”! It’s not up to us to heal ourselves. Those who have faith in Christ, know and believe that it is God’s will and perfect timing the true deciding factor of our healing. If I could have the faith to heal myself, I will be out on the streets for sure trying to heal every person walking by! We are unperfect human beings that desire to be loved and respected, and long to have a purpose that channels motivate us to contribute to our society while also being recognized for our efforts.

Thank you, God!

I thank God for social media – for giving us a voice to share our inner challenges so that anyone reading out there knows that they are not alone. I thank God for blessing me with these challenges, as they made me a better, empathetic person, and for my struggles, as they allow me to help others. Of course I want to be healed but God knows better.

Surround yourself with those who will give you the breathing space you need and are close enough to catch you when the “dark fog” lifts. 

God bless you,

Helen CD Jamieson

Author of Hidden Masks Unveiled 

IG: Helen CD Jamieson (@helencdjamieson)

FB: Hosanna House Canada 

YouTube: Helen CD Jamieson

Helen CD Jamieson’s Blog: www.hosannahouse.ca

2 Comments

  • Chi Lam

    It must be really tough to go through mental illness. It’s like trying to understand a soldier going through PTSD. Not going to happen if you’re a civi with a cushy life. Helen’s been given strength from the Lord to go though this. I’m glad she brought up the point about God and healing. So many have the unbiblical thinking that if they aren’t heal they are at fault for a lack of faith. If we understand WHAT God truly is as taught in the word of God all our questions about life and the afterlife would be answered. Helen is bang on trusting in God’s love, sovereignty and wisdom. Like she said, God might choose NOT to heal her at this time. This doesn’t negate the love of God Rom. 8 : 28,29. Our Lord loved Lazarus yet allowed Him to stay sick and die Jhn 11.3, 4. Timothy the godly young man had health issues that God allowed 1 Tim. 5:23 and God ALLOWED a man to be blind form BIRTH Jhn 9:20, so that the Father may glorify the Son 9:3. What sufferings these three went though we are not told. These are written so we can trust Him who knows what’s best for us. I won’t even mention Job… but I just did! The sufferings mentioned in Romans 8:17 would run the gamut from mental illness to persecution for the cross of Christ 8:35. But all these beloved sheep of Christ like Helen will one day be set free 8:23! As her brother, I’ve seen Helen at her worse and at her BEST. Indeed the WORK of God and the GRACE of God can be clearly seen in her! She fights on serving the Lord and causing severe consternation among the ranks of Satan’s angels. For Helen to share her mental illness shows her commitment to our Lord as His faithful bondslave.
    Those who are going through mental illness in a very REAL BIBLICAL sense are blessed by God. They’ve been given a challenge to be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. They have been given grace to go though it. Many don’t see it as a BLESSING because our understanding of WHAT God is , is skewed by our fallen humanistic theology. Our God will use Helen’s and others testimonies to bless those who are going through the same struggles 2 Cor. 1:3-5! She and others will have a UNIQUE relationship with God that others will NEVER fathom. Much like what Jesus went through at Golgotha which we will never fully fathom. It’s not the SAME suffering, just the SAME UNIQUENESS of the relationship. Only those who pass though dark times in their mental struggles can appreciate God in a unique way.
    AND…they can also share the love of God to others in a unique,powerful , loving way that others who don’t have mental illness can’t do! Thanks be unto our King for using Jennifer Rodriguez to work with Helen!
    If you are reading this God’s providence has allowed you to come to this blog. As His sheep He is reminding you of His love to you , and his WISDOM in moulding you to be more like Christ through mental illness. HalleluJah! No lillness caused by sin in this fallen creation can thwart the will and purposes of the Father who truly cares for you! Satan will say otherwise , but God’s word stands sure and on top of that Satan’s a liar. Chance doesn’t exist, A Creator and designer does!
    If you have NEVER received Christ as your Lord and Saviour, we ask God that this blog will point you to Christ. The great Physician Jesus Himself taught that the suffering in hell is far worse than any suffering on earth for those who died in their sins. You don’t need to be travelling there right now. If you receive Christ into your heart right now, you will be saved for all eternity Rom.8L31-39, 10:9,10,13.
    Helen and other readers SUFFERING though mental illness who know the Lord has a wonderful PROMISE given by God ,
    “HE will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Rev. 21:4
    Come to Jesus now if you haven’t done so! Trust Him to be your light in times of darkness! Then you can sing like all those who have physical, mental and spiritual illness,

    When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
    His grace all sufficient shall be all thy supply;
    The flames shall not hurt thee; He only designs
    Thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine.

    • Jennifer

      What a beautiful and godly message! As a blogger, I want to thank you for taking the time to read and comment. As a believer and mental health warrior, I want to THANK YOU for your encouraging words and for reminding us of God’s promises. I am confident your message will touch the lives of many people because it touched mine.

      Helen is a beautiful soul! It’s rare to find people with unshakable Faith! She is a believer that understands how to surrender her life to God. She’s an instrument of faith and perseverance. Her story will touch the heart of MANY people. She is inspiring!

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